You know you're a modern roadie when… 20. You return from an epic ride to find your GPS didn’t record and it feels like you just wasted your day and energy. 19. Your gears stopped working… because of a dead battery. 18. Your first ride of 2015 was on 2 January. All the achievable Strava KOMs were already taken. 17. You work out indoors on windy days because your aerodynamic frame and wheelsare just too scary outside. 16. A rest day is when your GPS is turned off. 15. You can't train indoors because your computer has a virus. 14. You’re involved in a crash and you get X-rays… of your bike for insurance purposes. The sore ribs go ignored. 13. You see someone wearing a tiger-print skinsuit and your first thought is ‘brave’. 12. A car hits you because they didn’t see your ‘murdered-out’ bike and matching kit. Luckily, you caught the whole thing in HD video. 11. Your brakes are leaking oil. 10. Your power meter keeps cutting out – you decide it’s pointless to ride like this. 9. Distracted by your GPS, you hit the back of a car. (Perhaps using your Garmin while riding is no different to drivers texting?) 8. It’s wet outside, so you wonder if you should just ride your cyclocross bike on the road today?
"Guys, wait up!"
7. You get a flat and find neither you nor anyone in your group has a 60/80mm valve tube. You call a cab/your spouse, delete the file off your GPS and pretend the ride never happened. 6. Your heart rate/cadence/speed or power sensor malfunctions and picks up the data of a young-gun riding past. You immediately screen-shot the effort. 5. You can’t operate your bike computer because the touchscreen doesn’t work with thegloves you’re wearing. 4. You have a Gran Fondo coming up, but can’t decide whether to use 50/34, 52/36 or 53/39 gearing on the front. And the rear cassette is a whole other drama! 3. You're sitting at the lights and go to push off – you shift for a gear but nothing happens. You quickly hear the laughter of your mate riding off and look down to find you’ve been unplugged. 2. Fixing a bottom bracket creak is no longer a matter of reaching for a wrench and grease. It now requires a hammer, a cup remover, a headset press, a new bottom bracket and a whole bunch of Loc-tite. 1. Your crankset tells you not to quit your day job.